that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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