1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
