Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
