We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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