She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
