I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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