What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
