just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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