He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
