Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
