it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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