Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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