I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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