It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
