You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize