God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
