if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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