Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
