Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
