don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
jump out the window naked night went bad
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