On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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