i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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