when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
