I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
