I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
