the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
