dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
