Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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