is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
