is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
