he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
