I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize