I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
