I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
