So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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