I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
