Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
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