There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
