i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
