i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
