Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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