I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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