Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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