we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
