fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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