If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
