can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
