But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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