She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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