Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
