Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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