Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
