my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
