And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
