Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
