I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
