I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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