Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
