Welp...herpes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize