i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
