i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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