I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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