I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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