Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize