The best revenge is premature balding
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
